His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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