She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
