i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
