my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
