He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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