i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
