What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Couch. On fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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