i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
