My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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