she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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