singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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