Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
