Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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