ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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