so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize