I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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