oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is wine microwaveable?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
