I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
