Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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