My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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