hotel room ftw
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
