Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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