So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
