i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want a musical about memes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
