If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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