There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
