There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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