Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
