You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
