does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
