I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
