can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
