Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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