My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
