You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
