I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
