I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
