Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
