By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
