There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
