Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
