Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
