Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
