walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
