She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
