Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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