Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
