It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
