It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
