I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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