i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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