Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
