Will you blow on my dice?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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