Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
