I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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