Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
