i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
