this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
