wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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