Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
