i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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