Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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