Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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