Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize