3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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