i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
