omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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