So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
