So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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