the condom got lost in my hair
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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