Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
