I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
