sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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