Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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