I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
