there's paper in my vomit.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
