Ambien. No doubt about it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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