Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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