my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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