You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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