not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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