we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
