apparently the secret to your success is patron
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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