I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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