At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have post one night stand depression
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